February 2023

Should we want to be perfect?

Should We Want to be perfect?

In my childhood plays, I imagined (created) a perfect sportsman with a perfect new name, gave him a perfect look and personality and put him into the team I liked. I then simulated tournament(s) in my head. The team with the sportsman obviously won everything. And the sportsman obviously became the player of the tournament. It didn’t matter if the sport was cricket, football, basketball or WWE.

It was fun! The player reflected my inner urge to be the best. To be perfect. To be a hero. Living a perfect life for a change was fun.

But when I tried to recreate that type of storyline this morning, I got bored.

‘What’s fun about having a player who always performs. Who is flawless. And who – even when he goes through a bad phase – will surely end up winning?’ I asked myself. 

‘Isn’t it too predictable. Too perfect. Boring. Dead?’ 

Like playing a game with cheat codes. Or, playing an easy game. 

And then I thought of something else I have started to find too predictable, perfect, boring and dead:

MOVIES!

Of course, not all movies. I am talking about mainstream, popular, franchise, movies. I can’t stand them anymore. Especially Hollywood, Bollywood and all that shit. Ones with HUGE budgets and huge Superstars, Megastars and all that!

If you understand the types of movies I am talking about, you would surely know that I am also talking about heroism in those movies. 

Aren’t the Mega/Superstars ethically and morally flawless? (Yes, even the ‘bad-guy-protagonist’ is shown stylish, sexy, hot, whatever) And even when they go through bad phases, aren’t we sure that they will surely end up winning?

Yes, there are aberrations, but that’s not the point here. 

The point is: I now find perfection boring. No wonder I feel dull and get bored when I imagine my future self with everything I desire today!

Life is not perfect and that’s what makes it fun. That’s what makes it beautiful and live-worthy:

To overcome the next challenge. Decode the next hint. Solve the next problem. Enjoy the meal with your loved ones after the entire day of separation. To be generous towards each other, knowing that we will all die one day.   

Think what would happen if life was perfect. If life threw no challenges at you. If it had no puzzles, no problems, no separations. What if life had no death?

Living would be like playing a game with cheat codes. It would be like watching a tournament in which a team won’t lose a game (Arsenal playing in Nepali football league, perhaps?). Its best player scores a hattrick every time. Like watching a popular Bollywood movie. It would be dull and boring.

The Perfect Ones

But there are people who would prefer that. In fact, those people must find perfection fun and colorful. I used to find it non-dull all those years ago! When I simulated perfect sportsmen and enjoyed Shah Rukh Khan movies. I am obviously not the same person as my childhood self. It means there is a difference between such people. There’s a difference between the childhood me and today’s me. 

In my personal case, I can clearly see the reasons behind the difference. One is age. Obviously. But I see many people my age still enjoy those movies. So, it must be something else. And what else but the fact that, a decade ago, I decided to go deep. I decided to explore dense Literature and Philosophy. And my life has never been the same. I have never enjoyed perfect movies, perfect games and perfect beings since. I haven’t tried to be perfect since. Although there have been sporadic desires to be one. 

With my example, it would mean that perfection wasn’t dull until I experienced true reality. Colorful reality. Or deep reality. stupid reality. Or worthless reality. Whatever you would like to call it. I will call it depth. 

Those who go deep, don’t care about being perfect. They no longer see anything perfect. Perfection becomes a charade for them. A show. A pretension. A shameful effort of superficial people.

Those who can enjoy perfection, must be all that: Show-off, Pretentious, Superficial. 

It’s not that they must have never seen the depth. In fact, they maybe deeper than me. It might just be that they are too weak to let go of their superficial desires – their Kingly, Godly, general desires. 

You can locate them: 

They are the ones trying life-extension techniques, building perfect technologies, enjoying being called kings, making heroic movies. For them surviving is clearly more important than living. Being is more important than feeling. Death concerns them more than life.


 

Fill your workroom with book smell

smell of books

Readers are doubtful types of people. Writers even more so.

What can we do when we are doubtful whether we should continue our search for more meaning and knowledge when the majority of the world seems to be doing fine with their food and drink?

What can we do when we are stifled by the thoughts that tell us that the words we type with passion, expressing hours of hard-thought wisdom might actually end up being read by no one apart from you and your computer?

I think I have found a solution:

Fill the working room with book smell!

Old book smell, new book smell, all sorts of book smell. Paper smell. Books. Books. Books. Book Smells.

On one hand they will remind us that the meaning, knowledge and wisdom we crave are real things with real presence and not random abstract stuff inside our heads to be suppressed by food and drink.
One might tell you that the thoughts you have and talk are nothing, but what when you hand them a bulky physical thing? Are they still nothing?

And on the other hand, they will remind us that we are not alone in the thing that we are doing. If the smell is a mixture of old and new books, it will perfectly remind us of the permanence of meaning, knowledge and wisdom in human affairs. While old book smell will remind us of a glorious human past where knowledge not only freed but also evolved humans, new book smell will remind us that such search still matters and exists.
It may matter to fewer people, but it still does. And who knows your writing can be the flame that ignites half of the world with a desire to know and be profound?!

You might question the need for written texts and books to ignite half the world.

‘I can do it with my podcast and YouTube videos,’ you might smirk. ‘I can fill my room with microphone smells.’

But, if birds could fly without wings, we would see birds flying without wings!

Even if all the books are about cookery and wine, they will still help to show us that fundamental things such as foods and drinks can be thought about deeply to be stored in books. Even those things can be dealt with wisely.

This should allow us to continue our search for more meaning and knowledge. 

This should allow us to write words with passion, expressing hours of hard-thought wisdom.


Medium Post: The other Danger Of Cigarette Smoking (Illumination)

danger of smoking

I mean, danger from all tobacco and nicotine addiction

I am (was?) a smoker. Been smoking for more than 15 years. And I have heard all this all along:

CDC: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Smoking leads to disease and disability and harms nearly every organ of the body.

Smoking causes cancer, heart disease, stroke, lung diseases, diabetes, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), which includes emphysema and chronic bronchitis. Smoking also increases risk for tuberculosis, certain eye diseases, and problems of the immune system, including rheumatoid arthritis.

But I have persisted with smoking. Despite knowing the risks. I have persisted with smoking solely to deal with my thoughts and emotions.

‘I’ll rather die than deal with this shit,’ I have said to myself on many occasions.

Let’s say, I sacrificed my body for the mind

Or

So I thought!

Until

A few days ago, I realized that I was actually destroying both my mind and my body.

Pessimism Isn’t Necessarily Negative, Bad and Wrong.

Image showing positive pessimism

At times, it can be the perfect view!

Last night I watched an Indian movie in which a reputed medical institution deceives couples with fertility issues by making them believe that the sperm is of the husband, while they actually use those of other people.

That took me to a pessimistic void — Which amazingly made me calm and which, I found to be beautiful!

HOW AND WHY DID I GET THERE?

It is not about whether the issue presented by the movie is prevalent and accurate. It’s not about the movie! It’s not related to anything personal either.

As I sat in my bed with my wife watching the movie, I thought of every single institution that must be doing some form of deception. Then I generalized and saw every single institution as deceptive in some ways. Then I generalized further and saw the entire human race as deceptive and cruel.

That view…that view of the human species as deceptive and cruel took me to that pessimistic void!

And then I was calm. I felt good. It was beautiful!

Humanity and all its affairs appeared as a giant South-Parkan turd.

I saw no beauty in any achievement of ours. I saw no charm in any glory of ours. I saw no value in anything human. The only beauty was in that deceptive view of humanity.

I then paused the movie and said to my wife (which annoyed her of course)—

‘Looking at how deception is trending these days — from government and companies to people around us — I wonder if there will come a day when anyone who is even slightly conscious will get disgusted beyond repair, pessimistic beyond hope and will start living life just for the sake of living! Without any values to live-for, without any beauty to pursue, like playing a mundane mobile game. You are just living to live. To pass time. To die! Nothing excites you. Nothing impresses you. Nothing deceives you. ’

I said that, she thought for a while and said something.

I fell asleep with that beautiful pessimistic void inside me. No values. No excitement. No deceptions. No care. No anxiety!

Mind Experiments With Mythology

This is not a religious thing, it is psychological. It is about our mind!

All I am concerned about is on using their basic description and definition for mind exploration and experimentation.

Before I get into how I think we can use them for creating new us and destroying the old, let me share a few things I have discovered as of now and how I got here:

  • The best way for us to see ourselves is through our desires.
  • Desires — apart from basic ones — are ideas. We create names and concepts, identify with them, get shaped by our environment, mix them all up and project basic desires into ideas. Eg. basic sexual urge turns into fascinating choices and preferences.
  • We can program our non-basic desires ourselves. That is, we can delete or modify old ones and create new ones. This is idea programming.
  • This means, we can create new versions of ourselves by modifying and experimenting with our desires.
  • We can use the Hindu triad for such a task.
  1. You identify the prevalent idea
  2. You identify its history and components
  3. You design a new idea
  4. You destroy the old idea
  5. You persevere with the new idea until it is time to move on
  1. Identification
  2. Design
  3. Destruction
  4. Preservation
  1. VishnuPreserver and protector. A personification of preserving power. Calm, Relaxed.
  1. Identify: Desires that exist in you at present. The desires currently preserved. Enjoyed. Desires that are there. Just in themselves. Not as good and bad. To do this, you need to dig into your past, observe your present, notice everything that excites or frustrates you. You have to list them all down. Generalize them. Shove them into categories. Understand why they might be there. Understand their cause and effect. In simple words, you need to know the things you want and not want; desire and not desire; like and dislike. You need to know the identity you attach yourself to.
    You become Vishnu to do all this. Accept things as they are in order to know them and enjoy them. Approaching them with good/bad will make them elusive. Just be them. Preserve them. See them. You need to be calm and unimaginative in all this. Be Calm and Relaxed.
  2. Design: Desires that you would want in you. At this phase, you should be imaginative and creative. Think and feel what you would want to become. What you would want in you. Judge your pre-existing desires. List the desires you want in you. Generalize them. Shove them into categories. Understand why you want them there. Understand their cause and effect. In simple words, you need to know the things you now want and not want; desire and not desire; like and dislike. You have created a new idea!
    You become Brahma to do all this. Don’t accept anything until you are fully convinced. Keep searching, keep designing. Until you reach the sweetest of spot. Once again, you need to be extremely imaginative and creative in all this. Be Restless and Innovative.
  3. Destroy: Desires that you would want modified or destroyed. After you have identified the existing desires and designed the future desires, it is time to destroy the old ones. Destroy the old ideas. Destroy the old you. You need to operate at the emotional level for this. Like a surgeon. Like your own surgeon. You got to be able to feel things. You need to be able to suppress. You need to be able to ignore. In simple words, you need to get rid of all emotional residue of the old you. Get rid of all ideas of the old you.
    You become Shiva to do all this. Be savage. Be detached. Be both Meditative and Aggressive.